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--- In loveshy_drgilmartin
<ruth.ahlgren@
>
> I prefer to say I am challenging not chastising, nor debasing. I do
not want to see people being hurt by ineffective or possibly damaging
advice. So it is important that everyone challenge the advice being
given out whether mine or anyone elses.
I have not participated in this discussion until now, but I would say
that to me, it sounds like attacks on individuals rather than their
views. Everyone has the right to express their views. You have set
yourself up as an arbiter to demand that everyone justify themselves here.
It is the nature of a discussion group that people express their views
without having "credentials.
something different. Furthermore, I do not see that anyone is being
"hurt by ... damaging advice." Where is the damage? I do not see any
damage.
>
> I am not an expert and I think I've made that clear and I'm being
honest.
Now we agree!!
> Because I challenge the thinking does not mean, I know the right
course of action for suffering men. For instance I have challenged
the idea that the person in a world of hurt dump the girl.
As was previously stated, "dump" is not appropriate terminology. In
fact she left him with his best friend, so there is no one left to
"dump." The only issue is how is the guy going to deal with it: to
continue pursuing the girl in spite of the obvious negative situation,
or move on to something different and hopefully better? The fact that
he posted a request for help here tends to indicate that he knew the
situation had fallen apart, or else why would he be concerned about it?
>
> I also challenged Talmer's credentials for giving advice.
As I said, everyone has the right to give their opinion, that is the
nature of a discussion board. This is not some advice column in the
newspaper in which people send questions to a recognized expert, or
whatever.
> If you all suffer from the same condition and are struggling to
overcome it, isn't this the blind leading the blind?? Don't you need
to think outside the box?
The things you are saying are not "thinking outside the box." They are
the standard advice given to guys all the time: "consider her
feelings," "don't be so quick to judge," "buy her dinner and talk
about it," ... Why shouldn't she buy him dinner, is she too poor to
afford it? And what exactly would you talk about? Is this some sort of
novel where you debrief the "spy who comes in from the cold" after a
failed mission?
I will reveal a bit of personal history here, but I
remember my first girlfriend doing something similar, after more than
a year actually. I believed in being nice to her, giving her a chance
to explain herself, etc. My Mom and her sister set me straight very
fast, when they said: "Why is she still calling you? Tell her to stop
calling you if she is no longer interested." In other words, once she
has left don't hang around waiting for things to change, because they
won't.
As far as advice to the Original Poster, I would say he needs to
expand his social circle, meet a lot more women, so he does not get
hung up on one particular person. Go out and get involved in some
activity where you meet a lot of people, have fun, socialize, etc.
This theory that all you need to do is meet the right person, and then
all your social problems will be solved, is silly.
> My father and son were shy, introverted people and therefore I have
sought to understand their psyches. I loved them both enormously. I
need to understand the Doctor's ideas better so I will
>
Doctor who?
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: A P
> To: loveshy_drgilmartin
> Sent: Wednesday, February 06, 2008 10:51 AM
> Subject: Re: [loveshy_drgilmarti
Please trim your messages a bit so they don't run on and on.
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