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Don't tell this female coworker that you are a virgin
and uncomfortable around women and make her swear to
keep it a secret. That will only make things worse.
It will make you look weirder and creepier. Also don't
tell her or your company about your love-shyness. They
won't understand and they will think your weird.
Therapist don't understand love-shyness and think it's
nonsense so don't think that anybody at work will
understand it.
The best thing you can do is tell her that you have
social anxiety disorder and tell her that you
apologize if your anxiety is making her feel
uncomfortable and that your seeing a therapist to work
on controlling your anxieties. This is something that
she and your company will understand and if they don't
they can look it up and get all kinds of information
on it. They might even be willing to work with you on
your social anxieties.
But DO NOT say anything about love-shyess and your
fear of women because that will only make things
worse.
Nick
--- Talmer Shockley <author@loveshyproje
> Tom, you bring up an important problem about
> love-shyness. PussyBoy
> had the same problem, and I had a related issue with
> a female
> coworker. Since we socialize so little, our jobs
> play a big role in
> our socialization, but work can be the wrong place
> for male-female
> socialization.
>
> The problem as I see it starts because we have so
> little interaction
> with females and have little if any sex so that when
> we see a
> semi-attractive woman we end up staring like they
> are from another
> planet. Women, especially coworkers, do not want to
> be thought of as
> purely sexual objects. But even when we just act
> friendly with them,
> we cannot help but to stare and act sexually
> interested.
>
> Love-shys exude a certain sexual stress that turns
> women off. Women
> will feel uncomfortable around love-shys, because
> love-shys are
> uncomfortable around women. As with seducing women,
> when it comes to
> sexual harassment it's not your intentions that
> matter, it's how the
> woman FEELS. Many women are generally timid
> creatures who are scared
> of what they don't understand, and they certainly
> don't understand
> love-shyness. (Which is why you should never tell a
> woman you are
> love-shy as they will not understand it. Only tell
> a woman you are
> dating that you have never had a girlfriend before
> or you have never
> had sex.) Or, the women think of you as at the
> extreme opposite end
> of the male spectrum as a guy who cannot control his
> horniness. But
> this type of guy has the social instincts to not get
> fired and not let
> the women see him staring. Women may not like this
> type of guy, but
> at least they understand him.
>
> This is just another example of love-shys getting
> trampled because of
> the women's rights movement. And it's not that
> there is much wrong
> with women's rights, but that there is no one
> standing up for
> love-shys' rights.
>
> The best thing to do (IMO -this is not tested) is to
> tell this female
> coworker that you are a virgin and uncomfortable
> around women. Do
> this in private and make her swear to keep it a
> secret. Since you
> have no hope of a romantic relationship with her,
> make it seem that
> you are the real victim here. TURN THE TABLES and
> go to the human
> resource person and tell her you are a virgin and
> have social anxiety
> and a condition called love-shyness. And that this
> incident caused
> you to have panic attacks, etc. Ask for help. You
> are already facing
> your anxieties with a therapist, but you can always
> use more help. My
> former company had something I think was called an
> Employee Assistance
> Program where an employee could go for outside help
> without the
> company knowing about it. Unfortunately, this help
> came too late, and
> I was fired due to my love-shyness.
>
> The one thing the company paid therapist did do was
> diagnose my
> Asperger's syndrome, so it was worth it. Also it
> forced me to search
> the web to find this thing called love-shyness. In
> one of my
> Asperger's support groups the discussion arises
> whether to disclose
> the condition to an employer. My rule of thumb is
> to not disclose
> unless there is problem. You have a problem, so if
> I were you, I
> would disclose your social anxiety and love-shyness.
> When I got fired
> I was unable to collect any severance or
> unemployment, because I broke
> a company rule, and now I am losing weight because I
> cannot afford
> food. FACE YOUR FEARS of embarrassment and get your
> condition on
> record. Companies are loath to fire someone over a
> disability since
> they are worried they may be sued. But if you make
> too much of a
> stink they may fire you anyway, so keep up your job
> performance so
> they don't have an excuse to fire you. Good luck
> and let us know how
> it turns out.
>
> -Talmer
> www.loveshyproject.
>
> --- In loveshy_drgilmartin
> "espinosat3"
> <espinosat3@
> >
> > I am new to this group and, shortly before the
> holidays, found out
> > about the description of love-shyness on
> Wikipedia. The description
> > of a love-shy person seemed to fit me almost
> perfectly. I have since
> > printed a copy of Dr. Gilmartin's book, and I am
> in the process of
> > reading it.
> >
> > I am a 35-year old single male living in southern
> Texas. I have
> > never really dated a girl exclusively throughout
> my life. While I
> > have known and talked with girls in college and
> afterwards, I could
> > almost never bring myself to ask one out, even
> when I wanted to.
> > While there are some exceptions to the above
> statement, when I did
> > ask a girl out, it never went beyond a first date,
> even if the date
> > was good.
> >
> > In addition to love-shyness, I also suffer from
> social anxiety, which
> > I have been in therapy and treatment for since age
> 30. For about 3
> > years, I was making progress on the social anxiety
> realm by becoming
> > a part of young adult groups at my church, which I
> was enjoying.
> >
> > At age 33, I encountered a major setback in trying
> to conquer my
> > social anxiety (and love-shyness, which I did not
> know about at the
> > time). While at work, I often exchanged 1/2 to 1
> second passing
> > glances with a female coworker. She apparently
> felt these glances
> > were threatening and sent e-mail to me, which she
> also cc'd to her
> > supervisor and the human resources department,
> asking me to
> > stop "staring" at her; to which I replied by
> agreeing not to "stare"
> > at her again. Since she cc'd human resources, I
> went to explain that
> > I only glanced at her at times for 1/2 to 1
> second. The HR director
> > did not believe me, and I found out that the
> coworker made a verbal
> > accusation to HR that I was "staring" at her all
> the time. I was
> > told by the HR director that had I not replied to
> her e-mail agreeing
> > to stop "staring" at her, I would have been under
> investigation for
> > sexual harassment. Hearing this made me furious
> and more self-
> > conscious because I never thought I would be
> accused of sexual
> > harassment, directly or indirectly. Obviously, I
> don't look at or
> > talk to the accuser anymore (when she
> inadvertently steps into my
> > line of sight, I look away, and I don't do it
> subtly.). This
> > incident also resulted in me having numerous
> panic/anxiety attacks,
> > and, because of these panic attacks, (1) I have
> hardly been hanging
> > around the church groups that I joined [in other
> words, I have been
> > spending a lot of time isolated]. (2) I have
> found it difficult to
> > look at a woman in person, even in public places.
> (3) I have been
>
=== message truncated ===
____________
March
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