Health And General Life Care: [loveshy_drgilmartin] Anybody else not fit Gilmartin's stereotypical love-shy guy?

[loveshy_drgilmartin] Anybody else not fit Gilmartin's stereotypical love-shy guy?

Friday, 11 January 2008

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For background I'm a 24 yr old that fits all 7 of Gilmartin's
criteria for love-shys.

A couple months ago I heard the term love-shy for the first time and
figured from the brief description that it fit me pretty well. I
searched around for info on the internet and downloaded Gilmartin's
book, but it sat on my computer desktop for about 2 months before I
decided to start reading it.

I read the first 50 pages and felt like he had been shadowing me for
my entire life and somehow had a window into my brain as well. I was
so excited, feeling that if he understood me so well, his treatments
were a good bet to offer help. I read the section on elastic limits
and felt that it was also a good bet that I was at the bottom end of
my limits, with a lot of room for improvement (the whole reason why I
finally read the book was because I was feeling more depressed about
my personal life than usual). But then I got to the section on
causes and symptoms and started to get less enthusiastic.

I don't fit the bill for the typical love-shy at all in terms of
background/preferences/career/etc. I couldn't relate to just about
every "measure" of a typical love-shy in terms of personality or
background.

I had an excellent parental support structure growing up with no
history of abuse (physical or mental) or neglect

I love "rough and tumble" sports (baseball, basketball, football, ice
hockey, etc)

I love rock music and generally dislike anything soft

I strongly pursued my current career as a pilot in the Air Force,
after receiving a degree in engineering

I could continue down the list; I'm the exact opposite of his
assertions with the exception of those pertaining to my anxieties
with women. It made me think that I've been afforded every benefit
in life (by not having personality traits that would typically
alienate a person from their peer group) and I still have this
problem, so maybe I'm actually at the better end of my elastic
limits, without room for improvement. Anybody else find themselves
in the same situation? I understand that Gilmartin's generalizations
are just that, generalizations, but you would think that I would at
least relate to a few of his findings.

Unfotunately, Gilmartin's recommendations for treatment haven't been
implemented to any great extent, and I'm no longer in the college
environment where his version of therapy groups would be most likely
to exist. Furthermore, the profession I've chosen is HEAVILY male
dominated, not to mention I move around the country (and the world)
on a regular basis. I don't have time to build truly strong peer
networks at any one location that could expose me to females of my
age. Because of that, it is almost entirely my only option to
introduce myself to complete strangers if I want to meet women. I
believe that to be a relatively unsuccesful method, even for non-shy
guys, in forming lasting relationships with women, but nonetheless, I
don't have the courage to do it.

I believe I am better off than the typical case study in Gilmartin's
book, but it would take favorable conditions for me to "help myself",
and my direction in life makes it unlikely that I will be in
favorable conditions anytime soon.

Any recommended methods for self help out there, because I've
searched for "practice dating" therapy and it isn't available in my
area? Keep in mind that I'm new to my current location and haven't
formed any male peer relationships yet, so "weekend night at the bar
with the guys" situations aren't in the picture right now.

Thanks.